Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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