I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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