I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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