shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
