I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's blow job season.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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