As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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