We won't sleep together?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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