I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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