I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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