the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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