I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
