Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
