Can Purell be used as lube?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
