I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
