So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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