I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
