cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
