how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
