just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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