I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
