i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
