i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
