I CAN MOONWALK!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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