im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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