Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
