JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
