Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
