Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
