I want to have your abortion
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
