This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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