I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
