Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
