i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
