My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
