can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
