lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
