Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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