the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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