I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize