So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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