I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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