Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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