dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
