my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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