Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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