My room smells like vodka and shame
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
