first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
