so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
