Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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