your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
false alarm, still single
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
