I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
