2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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