he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
