Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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