Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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