Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
