At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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