I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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