I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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