I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
