I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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