maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
