im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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