News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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