I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
