i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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