guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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