I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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