there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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