My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
