I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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