i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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