Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
