Im at strip club and am horny
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
