I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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