Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
