wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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